Today is a day of exhaustion. Of letting go and just trying to breathe. I have no strength to make it through this day. It’s gotta be all Him. And so I’m stuck at a crossroads, of trusting, but just wanting to be able to do it on my own. I don’t want to have to trust, I want to rely on my own strength and know that I can do it. So today I’m broken. Today I’m “trusting in him with all my heart and not leaning on my own understandings.” (Proverbs 3:5) Because apparently that’s how it is with me, I have to be broken and nearly in pieces before I let my guard down. Before I let Him be my strength.
I’m behind on school stuff, I have to perform a dance tomorrow. All this stuff, all these other things that tend to hold more importance than making time for love, and grace, and Him. Those things that I let define and shape me. That I let consume all my energy and my time. Then I wonder why I feel broken, why I feel drained. I’m realizing that it’s simple really, it all comes down to priorities. And His determination never fails. He never stops pursuing and pushing at me to turn around and look for Him. So I’m resting in Him today. The combination of sickness and exhaustion has brought me to a place where I’m relying on a strength a million times greater than anything I’ll ever have on my own.