As the bright green of the rolling hills flashed past, she tried not to concentrate on the possible reality of her situation. She glanced over at the boy beside her. Both hands firmly on the wheel, her leg feeling the absence of the hand that was normally placed there. “How could this be happening?” The familiar thought swirled around inside her head. No matter how she tried, how many times she told herself that this was happening, she could not grasp that harsh reality.
“I’m sorry.” The statement is whispered and almost lost in the wind whipping through the topless Jeep. But she heard it. She heard the pain and genuine guilt in those two words. He had never meant for it to come to this. Neither had ever imagined it would. Or could. But this time was different. This time he was the one who was running. And she was not taking it gracefully. She was pulling and grasping at any handhold she could think of. Anything that might make him rethink this entire ordeal. Drowning in the “what-ifs” and “if only I hads.” They were pulling her down to a helplessness she had only seen in movies. When the heroine loses the man of her dreams, and the tears just fall and fall…Now her own tears were building. Trying with all her might to suppress them, she directed her plaintive gaze back to the world soaring by.
“Please God, just tell me. Show me somehow what I’m supposed to do.” Her hands trembled in her lap as she sent up her desperate prayer, “Just let it rain Lord. I know I shouldn’t ask for miracles or signs, but please. Just….please…” Not much of her really believed God would send her rain. But her heart wanted it with an unprecedented longing. Just to know and be sure. To share that adventure with him, for something to break this spell that was binding them. The unspoken things were oppressive, suffocating. They wrenched her heart in two and left her without a light to follow. Nothing to help her see her way out of this cave. “How could he let this happen? How could I let this happen…” She just couldn’t get away from that thought. No matter what, that’s what she came back to.
“I do love you.” He offers the words as some sort of bridge. Something to bring them back together. Smiling sadly, she replies “I know you do.” And she does know, because she loves him too. More than she even understands. Finally crossing that tense space, she places her hand on his. Offering a shy smile. Then she felt it. The tiniest raindrop kissed her face. So tiny she could have imagined it. But she knew she didn’t.
Reaching down and taking her hand, he offered a smile back. “I was hoping it would rain. Well pour actually.” He tells her shyly, as if it seems silly. But it’s the farthest thing from silly. It’s what she prayed for. “I was hoping it would too. It would be a wonderful adventure” she answers. Smiling boldly and confidently now. What they had was real. Whatever it was, whether a mess or not, it was real and worth figuring out. Somehow that one miniscule raindrop, and the others that followed, had eased the tension. They could both breath now and they could fix it. God had answered her prayer, and perhaps his too. It hadn’t been in the way she had asked for, or the way she had imagined and planned. It was a smaller, quieter answer that she could have easily missed. But it was God nonetheless, no matter what happened next she knew His hand was in it.