I’m sorry if that sounds like a very depressing title, but it isn’t meant to be. It’s just the truth. The beginning of my college career has ended. After next Tuesday, I will no longer be a freshman. Hooray! Sound your horns, start up the band, throw that confetti! I have one year of “the best years of my life” under my belt. Have I grown? Hard to tell, but lets hope so. Maybe an inch or two in the responsibility department and a little stretch in ability to make decisions. I’ve made some wonderful friends along the way and slowly started to enjoy outside nature activities. I have tentative hopes and plans for my future, none of which will probably be the same by next year. But for now, I’m content in my limited ideas for my future. My plans of living somewhere fabulous and working at a nice PR firm, or maybe being an editor, or a publisher, or a writer, change daily. They swirl around, always evolving into some new interesting idea.
In a way, I am terrified of growing up and being on my own. Even after a year in college, I still find myself thinking I’m at a summer camp. The idea of being on my own, moving toward having my own family and my own life somewhere else is almost too big for me to handle. It’s a promise of a future somewhere away from my mom and my sister, my dad and my step-mom. A future where I wake up and go to work everyday. Where I pay bills and think about a husband and children. But now I’m getting ahead of myself. I have several years for that and no need to worry about it yet. No matter how much I worry or try to plan, God has everything planned for me. Regardless, I worry and plan. Then worry about planning too much. It’s a mess really, but I know it will all work out. Maybe that will be my extremely belated New Years resolution. To not worry or plan, to lay it all down everyday. To “lay down my sword and my shield” (Beloved, Toni Morrison) and trust in God everyday. But really, that’s all any of us can ask for. A little peace, and a day without worry or hectic plans.